i'm not quite sure i can articulate what it is, but it is there, and i know i want to see it come to fruition. i'm tired of being sheltered in academia, hiding behind textbooks with the premise of acquiring knowledge. i am nearly positive that 90% of the things i've supposedly "learned" will not be useful in the real world.
i miss austin, for all the things there are to do, and all the memories it holds. i miss how it was both laidback and progressive, while being devoid of the pretentiousness of which dallas is so often accused. my time in austin was truly the happiest of my life. so why not move back? because it is a step back. i cannot push myself if i retreat to a place that is already comfortable - i need to avoid complacency.
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i have this problem, where i can only think in fragments. it explains why every year, i become less and less articulate. i am excellent at paraphrasing, but no longer good at elaborating. what i say is to the point, simple, and concise - but not necessarily by choice. sometimes i have a mindblock. and sometimes i am just too lazy to think things through in order to give a more thorough explanation.
i think that is the main problem when it comes to my interaction with other people. you cannot have a good conversation with another when the other person doesn't give you something to work with. "yes" and "no" answers are the death of any meaningful communication. to my credit, i at least try to supplement my short answers with a cheeky comment. there are others that don't even try. for instance, when friends respond with a simple "haha" on AIM, i often stop talking to them. whether it is because they don't know what to say, are too lazy to come up with something to say, or if what i've said is really that dull, i would rather end the conversation than make a one-sided effort to keep it alive. this is why i hate phone conversations. silences are much more awkward, with the added stress of actually having to control the way things are verbalized.
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