pigeonholed

i realized what it was that kept me from wanting to be close to certain people. when someone has a certain view of you and are insistent on only seeing you in that way... they make judgments based on their own belief of who you are or who they think you ought to be.  you are pigeonholed.  

i react to this in one of two ways:  the first is to carefully craft my actions to complement their belief of who i am.  the second is to rebel against their notions by acting out in ways that reject their viewpoints entirely.  the first reaction is most likely a defense mechanism made to prevent people from seeing who i really am; the second is the more usual outcome.

i do not like to be held to unfair standards that are not representative of who i am or who i strive to be.  people who do this are only setting themselves up for disappointment.  i need space.  i cannot be expected to fit a mold, especially one that was created for me - and i will pull free until i can extricate myself from its constraints.  

things like this make me wary.  i simply cannot be close to someone who i feel holds me to preconceived or erroneous notions.  the feeling is both constricting and cloying, and my natural instinct is to turn away.